Am I a single woman every other weekend?

OK, it's one of those days when I'm having writers block and I know the reason. It's not like those times when I'm simply having a lazy what-does-it-all-mean-and-who-cares kind of rant going in my head slowing any chance of creativity. Nope, this day I am plain old fashioned resentful and the target of my pissed off-ness is none other than my husband. Luckily, he is more than aware of my mantra "Love is not enough" and that it means you must usually show up with a lot more than my ex-husband, ex-boyfriends, ex-father and all the other men who've helped me to erect this platform. I have to admit that I am not feeling the love right now.

I'll start by saying that the very reasons I fell in love with my husband are the same ones that are holding my soft mushy feelings hostage at the moment. His commitment to fatherhood. He's an amazing and committed hovercraft of a father. His kids are his world and by extention, my kid and me. He's the original family man. For Christs sake, he's a Cancer and anyone with a dog eared copy of Linda Goodman's Sun Sign knows that Cancer men are referred to as the mothers of the zodiac. Yes, he spoke to my inner lesbian monologue. Anyway, I have to attend an event, one of those happy couple with kids sans kid events. It's for the kids but they happily aren't invited. Then it occured to me that he would never leave his kids in order to be my date. Isn't that one of the real reasons women bother to marry? So they don't have to go dateless? I liked my pre-marriage last name and sleeping in the middle of the bed situation.

I'm a real fan of singledom. But I happen to be madly, passionately in love with my husband. In fact I love him the way I'd only loved men in my twenties who kept their love out of reach and made me feel inadequate except my husband is very loving and emotionally available. He's even romantic and doting...except on the weekends he has his kids. Not to sound like the evil stepmonster. I love my bonus children. So much so that this is only the second time in two years I have wanted my husband to accompany me more than to stay home and parent all three of our kids.

Part of the reason I'm probably pissed off is because my husband is lazy and anti-social and I believe the kids are little more than a great excuse to avoid being in a room full of (in shi words) smug parents. If this were a poker party or stripper night I'm sure my husband would have gladly tossed his parenting ethics aside but because it's doing something he hates (being social) he can use his love for his kids to stay at home. After all isn't parenting the excuse I give to get out of numerous social engagments? Just yesterday I ducked out of a party by explaining to the hostess that I had to rush home before before all three kids were being returned to us. This means that whenever my stepkids are around I have to function like one of those single women.

The other reason I'm annoyed is because my husband and I tend to find each other even more interesting and sexy in a crowded room. We'd much prefer each other's company than anyone elses as witnessed two nights ago when we snuck into an alcove and made out like randy teenagers at a birthday party neither of us wanted to attend. It was HOT!! We both acknowedged that social functions work as forplay for us and dammit I want my foreplay!